Reconciliation
by Liv-x-Case-Benson
Summary: She turned around, her gaze falling upon a drawing on the fridge. It depicted a cop, a lawyer, and two little girls. It was a family. It was their family. Casey gazed at her daughter's drawing sadly. It used to be their family. "You wanted eternal love, and I married you. You wanted children and I gave you our daughters. I never knew you wanted a life apart..." T-M
1. Accepting Mistakes

Reconciliation

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson $ CaseyBensonNovak

**Ch. 1: Accepting Mistakes**

Casey yawned as she stirred the tea before her. Adding a few cups of sugar, and finishing her stirring, she set the teapot on the opposite side of the stove, to allow it to cool. She turned around, her gaze falling upon a drawing on the fridge. It depicted a cop, a lawyer, and two little girls. It was a family. It was their family. Casey gazed at her daughter's drawing sadly. It used to be their family.

The Benson household consisted of four members: Casey and Olivia, and their identical twins, Vanessa and Victoria. It had been an incredibly happy home for over five years. Over the course of the past several months, however, things had changed.

It was difficult to trace the root of the problem. Casey blamed Olivia's job, Olivia blamed Casey's dependence, and their girls could only ask when Momma Olivia would be home. Casey had long since run out of excuses. "Momma is out for a bit" had lost its ring. Every night when Casey went to sleep, she cuddled with the teddy bear Olivia had bought her for their anniversary. It was a far cry from the real detective, but it was all she had. Meanwhile, Olivia had moved out, and now resided in an apartment on the Upper West Side while they finalized their divorce.

Casey finished the tea, wiping a shimmering tear from her emerald eyes. By the time she crawled into bed, it was after three AM. She grabbed the teddy bear, snuggled into it, and held it, crying softly. Olivia was gone, she was alone..and she didn't know how or if this mess could ever be fixed. After all, neither knew how it had started. Now they were just..coworkers. Coworkers and former lovers. What a perfect combination.

* * *

Olivia lay awake at three am for a true reason she didn't know. For five years she and Casey had a been happy, loving, married couple and had two wonderful identical twin daughters, but lately, things had taken a turn and not for the better. The detective's job took up much of her time, yes, but part of her, since the girls had been born, saw Casey's independence waning. Casey was still strong, but whenever any little thing went wrong, she waited for Olivia to fix it, without relying on her own merit.

Yes, she knew, from Casey's past relationships, she relied on Olivia to be a rock and she was. But she couldn't do everything. She was only one woman for Heaven's sake! She wished she was able to be home more, for the girls and Casey, but it seemed everything was escalating in New York crime wise. She couldn't catch a break, not even a moment to try to fix things, then again, neither could the ADA. But therein could lie part of the solution that neither wanted to do, fearing talking would only worsen the situation.

Olivia rolled over, grabbing a picture of the four of them, smiling and happy, caressing it lovingly. She missed them so much. Maybe that was why she couldn't sleep. _No, not maybe_, the brunette thought, _it is the reason_. Sighing, she grabbed her cell phone, dialing her wife.

When the phone rang and Casey read the caller id, she reluctantly answered it. "A little late for a visitation request," she murmured. "The girls are asleep."

Olivia sighed. "I'm not calling about that. Casey, I have a question and I want you to consider the answer and not just blow up or hang up, ok?"

"What question?"

Olivia sat up, situating her pillows against the headboard for back support. "Why don't you rely on your instincts anymore?"

"And which instincts would those be?"

The brunette sighed. "Casey, whenever one little thing goes wrong, you wait for me to correct it. It doesn't seem like you trust yourself anymore, relying solely on me. I know you're strong. It just seems like..like you wait for things to be at their worst. I know my job puts a massive dent in everything. I want to help you, I do."

"I wouldn't need your help if I had trusted my instincts. I mean, if I trusted my instincts, I would have never fallen into your bed," Casey coldly responded.

She paused when no sound came from the other end. "Olivia?"

Olivia raised her knitted brows. "Casey," she whispered, "I'm sorry. I don't want to be in pain anymore. I want you to be happy, but..at the same time I need to be with you to be happy." She was silent for a few minutes. "Casey? What can I do?"

"You can't do anything. You have your job. In your own words, that is all you need. Or do you not remember that conversation?"

"I...I was angry and upset. It clouded me. I just...needed to get a perspective. Casey?"

Casey sighed. "What?" she asked, switching the phone to her other ear.

"I don't want this. Living separately. Do you? Really?" the detective asked.

"I..." Casey bit her lip, providing an answer that shocked even herself. "Yes. Olivia, I do. I mean...this was the first night I was able to put the girls to bed without them asking for you. A part of me will always love and need you, but for now, I think I need time to...become...what did you call it? Independent."

Olivia sighed. "You can be independent and be married Casey. I didn't mean I wanted a divorce. I know you're strong and you should be able to rely on me, but that doesn't mean you should always wait for me to fix a problem."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Olivia. Conversely, you should try being around to fix problems more often."

"Well, say I was, would we have a chance? You just said you would always love me and need me."

"You won't be. You never have and never will be there when I need you most. What about Victoria's ballet recital? And Vanessa's concert? I sat in the front row. Where were you? Hmm...let's think. A little building known as a precinct?"

Olivia sighed. "Let me keep trying. I'm going to regret all those things I missed until the end of time. I don't want to miss anything else. I miss tucking the girls in, having them run to me after work clinging to my legs, I miss you."

"You miss sex," Casey accused.

"Not most of all. Though I can't admit that I don't. But I miss just being around you. You can't say you don't miss either one of those thing, even a little?"

Casey didn't answer.

"When is Victoria's school play?"

"Friday night.."

"What time?"

"Seven."

Olivia nodded, then realized Casey couldn't see her. "Ok. How's the teddy bear holding up?"

Casey guiltily pushed it away from her. "The play is at seven New York time, not Ethiopia time."

The detective smiled. "It's to make you feel better. Cuddle it if you want to. That's what it's for," she said. "I'll be there. Save me a seat. Goodnight,"

"Never forget that you're the one who walked out on us," Casey replied sadly, stabbing the end button and tossing her cell phone to the floor.

Olivia sighed, closing the phone and placing it on her nightstand. She had only walked out because she couldn't handle the stress of Casey expecting her to handle everything.

IF things went well, would Casey even want her back? That was her last thought as unconsciousness took over.

Casey stared blankly at the teddy bear, which she had picked up from the bed. Suddenly overcome with sadness, she threw the offending object against the wall, crying, "Traitor!" Curling tightly on her side, the young attorney cried herself to sleep.

* * *

Olivia woke at five am to a dead body call in the subway. Slowly, she stood, taking a ten minute shower, dressing and going to the scene. Running on barely any sleep, the detective yawned very frequently, but didn't miss a beat questioning possible witnesses. Sighing, after the initial questioning was done, Olivia grabbed a tall coffee.

Casey woke every fifteen minutes. Rolling over, she tried to fall back asleep.

Around noon, after several people had been questioned, the detective was almost dead on her feet from lack of sleep. But it wasn't just sleep. Lack of a warm body next to her greatly hindered her rest. Hours later, Olivia called Casey on the way to her office. She knew Casey didn't go in much anymore, but since she was Olivia figured the least she could do, at this point, was bring her dinner.

Casey sent the call to voicemail and stepped into the shower.

The detective sighed, heading to her used-to-be home and hanging the bag with Chinese takeout on the door handle, knocking loudly and waking away, hiding around the corner. The paper bag had Olivia's initials on it. But the last thing she needed was Victoria and Vanessa making a fuss and asking a ton of questions.

Casey, dressed in a simple black wrap dress and matching heels, opened the door slowly, pausing when she noticed the food. She sighed softly.

Olivia nodded, walking out from behind the wall, pressing a finger to her lips and shaking her head as if to say they didn't need to discuss anything unless Casey wanted to, slowly walking away.

"Why did you come? You abandoned your family and now you think some lo mein can make up for it?"

Olivia turned, leaning against the wall. "No. I just thought you'd like it. Casey, can we talk?"

"I have to go get the girls to school," Casey answered. "I have thirty seconds, so whatever excuse you think you can make needs to be fast."

Olivia walked over, shaking her head. "Excuses? No. They-they're not worth this. I'm sorry. I was angry, stressed, upset, and overworked. Casey, I never should've done what I did. I..I was afraid to talk because I thought it would become worse. I'm sorry. I want to be here. For you. For the girls. I was being spineless and that's not me. I-I love you more than anything else in the world and I still want to be married to you. I'm sorry it took this to realize my mistake. Is there..someway I can fix this? I know I can't erase the pain, but I'll do anything to fix it. Please?"

Casey shook her head. "I can't," she replied, tears springing into her eyes. "You wanted eternal love, and I married you. You wanted children and I gave you our daughters. I never knew you wanted a life apart. You have revealed your feelings towards me: I am too dependent on you, you claim. I needed you. The girls needed you, but we never ranked on your priority list. Your job came first, and it always will. For better or worse...the priest never said for work or family."

Olivia, in a risky move, pulled Casey closer. "But you do. Don't you see? I work so hard for you. I don't want a life apart, Casey. I just..if I hadn't walked out I was going to blow up and punch something. I didn't want it to be you." Carefully, the detective wiped Casey's tears away. "I miss you. I love you."

"You might as well hit me. You already stabbed me in the back." Casey pulled away, trying to ignore how incredible Olivia smelled, as always.

Olivia shook her head, holding her hand tightly. "No. Never. You made me promise, remember? Never to treat you like that? I love you."

"Oh, yes, I forgot I had to promise you to never be an abuser."

The detective shook her head. "I wouldn't do that anyway. But you said anything tender like a caress or the touch of a lover's hand gave you a terrible flashback. That was why you had me promise."

"Olivia, please just drop it," Casey said quietly. "I have to get the girls to school."

As if on cue, the door opened, and the twins rushed out. "Mommy, we're-" They paused when they saw Olivia. "Momma!" They rushed into Olivia's arms, hugging her.

Olivia smiled, hugging them tightly, not even realizing the streams coursing down her cheeks. "Hi my girls! H-how are you?"

"Momma, you're home!" Victoria cried.

Vanessa, meanwhile, hugged her tighter. "Momma, I missed you."

Watching the interaction, Casey's heart was torn out of her chest. Olivia had hurt her deeply, and now her pain was intensified by seeing their children's reaction to what they perceived as a reunion.

"Hi, sweetie," she replied, kissing their cheeks. This would never be as simple as saying "I don't love Mommy anymore so I moved out" because she still did love them – all of them – and had walked out for a stupid reason. "I missed you guys too, but I...I'm not here to..I can't stay," she choked out. _But I want to,_ her eyes said to Casey.

Casey leaned against the door frame for support. She looked away, blinking tears that continued to roll down her porcelain cheeks. "Girls, I...Momma's going to take you to school today."

Oblivious to the significance of the action, the twins jumped up and down excitedly. "Momma, let's go!" they cried.

Olivia smiled, letting them go. "Do you have your backpacks? You better go get them."

They rushed inside, returning seconds later with their backpacks on.

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Does this mean this will be a regular thing?" she asked Casey.

Casey shrugged. She didn't know. She did know, however, that she would not punish the girls for this enormous fight. It was not their fault. It was a promise she and Olivia shared.

Olivia smiled, taking one of each of their hands and walking to the elevator. "Push the button!"

Casey retreated into the house, closing the door and laying down on the couch.

* * *

Minutes later, the detective was buckling them into the back of her car. "Don't touch anything, ok?" she said, getting in the driver's seat.

Casey sighed, closing her eyes and becoming lost in thought.

* * *

Meanwhile, Olivia proceeded to drive their girls to school. "What are you earning about in school, guys?" she asked, trying to keep them from asking the heavy questions she didn't want to answer.

"Adding," they said at the same time.

"How many numbers can you add? Do you know... 11 + 11?"

"Twenty two, Momma," Victoria answered immediately.

Olivia smiled. "Can you add three rows of numbers like... 246 + 224? Or have you not learned that yet?"

Victoria nodded. "Crazy, Momma," she replied.

The detective smiled. "What else are you leaning? Anything with animals?"

"No, Momma. That is next," Victoria answered.

Vanessa smiled. "Momma, tuck us in tonight?" she asked, changing the subject.

The brunette detective bit her lip, swallowing the lump in her throat. "..Maybe ok? You know how Momma's work is."

"Don't you want to?" Victoria inquired.

Olivia angled the rear view mirror to look at them. "Of course I do. It's just.." _My work makes me too busy_, she thought bitterly. "..I work so late and you guys are already in bed."

"Try, Momma. Come home!" Victoria was on the verge of tears.

Olivia stopped outside of the school, unbuckling and getting out and opening the door to unbuckle them, holding them close. "Sshhh," she cooed. "I promise you I will try. I will. I'll be there for your school play." _But that's not enough_, her mind told her, _your kids need you more. Your wife needs you more._

"We need you, Momma," Vanessa murmured.

Olivia nodded. "I know, girls, I know. And I promise to do something about this. It's going to be okay. I promise. It'll take time though."

"You left, Momma!" Vanessa began to cry.

Olivia hugged them tightly. "Baby, I was angry and upset. It never meant that I don't love you, both of you. Shh." The detective grabbed a box of tissues from the center console. "Here, baby. It's going to be ok. I promise it'll change. I'm never going to leave you guys like that again."

Victoria sniffled. "You hurt Mommy."

The detective nodded. "I know and I'm sorry. I'm going to fix it. I know all of you are...that I shouldn't have...never. I was being stupid. I still you, girls and Mommy too."

The twins hugged Olivia tightly. "Come home," they begged together.

Olivia nodded. "I'd love to, but part of that is up to Mommy. I left, but it takes an even bigger person to accept that I'm coming home again. I don't know if Mommy is ready to trust me again."

"But.."

"But what?"

"But you don't want her or us."

The bell rang. It was time for class.

Olivia got out, holding their hands and walking them up the sidewalk, but dropped to her knees in front of them before they went inside. "Girls, I do miss you and I love all of you. I'd do anything for you and I'll prove that anyway I can from now on, ok?"

"Promise?" they asked.

Olivia nodded. "I promise, but everything won't happen at once. It'll be little things at first, ok?"

"Ok. Bye, Momma!"

Olivia nodded, hugging them tightly and kissing their cheeks. "Bye my girls. Have fun and be good."

"Okay, Momma."

Olivia smiled again, sending them into the school before getting back into her car and heading to the precinct. She needed to resolve this issue before it got worse.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I know it's really OOC, but please give it a chance.

**Note 2:** I know I posted this earlier, but we decided to split it up.

**Please review!**

Liv-x-Case-Benson & CaseyBensonNovak


	2. Changes

Reconciliation

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson $ CaseyBensonNovak

**Ch. 2: Changes**

Walking into the 1-6, she went straight to Cragen's office, knocking.

"Come in," he called.

Olivia walked in, closing the door. "Morning." she said, looking exhausted. "I need to discuss something. Is there a possibility of me not being on call every night? I know the crime rate won't decrease, but I just need it. Everyone always expects me to be available because I wasn't committed to anyone. I know it's a lot to ask, but is there any chance?"

"You want...time off?"

"Not...exactly. Casey and I have been having...trouble for seven months. I made the stupid mistake of walking out and I want to correct it. I believe part of my correcting things is that I'm home every night at a certain time. I'll still work," She sighed. "Up until everyone, this job, this squad, was my life. Now Casey and the girls are suffering because of it, because of me. I want nights off unless a major crime happens involving one of the parties we work with. I don't want everyone to assume they can call me for backup. I have a life now with Casey, no matter how rocky it is and what grounds we're on. I know it sounds odd after 13 years of being at beck and call, but I want to have the best of both worlds. And if you need time to consider it, that's ok."

Cragen remained silent. Finally, he sighed, and replied. "I guess we can negotiate something," he said finally. "We have Rollins and Amaro at night."

Olivia nodded. "I don't mean to cause a problem, but...I can't afford to lose either. All of you are as much my family as they are, but now I've got the balancing act to get figured out." She was silent for a few moments. "I'm sorry. I know it's a lot to ask."

"No. I understand. You need to be with your family."

The brunette nodded. "The time can be figured out later, but I do need to be off before 7 on Friday. One of the girls has a concert I promised I would attend."

Cragen smiled. "That's so sweet."

Olivia smiled too. "Yeah it is. Plus, I figured staring small will help all of us with this."

"Are you back home?"

Olivia shook her head. "Still have my own apartment. Even if I tried to go back now I think it would take a miracle for her to let me. That's why I want to start small."

"How are things?"

"Not good. Though she did let me drive them to school today. I'm really going to have to put myself out there to make her believe that I want to be back home. She misses me, but she won't admit it," the brunette said.

"Are you sure?"

Olivia nodded. "When I went to talk to Casey this morning, it took every ounce of strength for her to pull away from me. She knows I still love her and the girls. But she needs proof. And I can't prove anything if I keep working like I always have."

Cragen sighed, scratching his head. "I guess we can manage that."

"But like I said, if it has to do with something major, I'll be here." She sighed again. "I don't necessarily like asking, but my family needs me too, you know? And hopefully, if things go like I want, I... won't need to sign anything."

"Are you two getting divorced?" Cragen inquired.

Yet again, Olivia sighed. "Th-that's what I'm, uh, trying to avoid. That's why I need this. I need someone, something, to come home to. So many nights, I just...I don't know what I would've done if Casey and the girls hadn't been there, you know?" She ran a hand through her hair. "To answer your question, we're almost on the verge and I don't want to be."

Cragen remained silent. "Liv, I..."

Olivia sighed. "I just don't want to go there. I'm aware that it doesn't seem like a valid reason, but I need this..."

"But you're my best detective."

Olivia smiled at the comment. It was hard to be modest. "Thank you, but...my family needs me too. I can't even bear the thought of signing that paper. I-I realize the truth to what you're saying as I have been here the longest, but without them I have no shield from all the evil we see every day. And-and I'll still be here."

"Liv, I've never seen you so..involved..."

"Involved in my own happiness?" she asked carefully. "Wanting the people I can't live without?"

Cragen shrugged, nibbling on a piece of licorice. "Involved in something outside of work."

Olivia nodded. "I've never had a reason before. I love my job. Helping victims ad putting the bastards away, but there's more to my life than that. Casey and the girls. I made a very selfish, stupid move that – for my happiness – I need to fix. The pain won't go away – maybe ever – but..but I need to try. Because they deserve it. Maybe I don't for doing what I did, but I love them and it hurts to be without them."

"Olivia, go. I understand the need to be with your family."

The detective nodded. "I'll be in tomorrow morning. If you need me in earlier to discuss me not being on nights, just let me know." She smiled a bit. "I knew I was a good detective, but the best? Isn't that pushing it?"

"Liv..."

She turned. "Yeah? I-I could work the day.."

"I know. Don't push the compliment." Cragen waved her out of the office with a smile.

Olivia nodded, walking out and to her desk to grab her jacket. "Hey, Nick?"

"Yeah?"

She sighed, pulling on her jacket. "Grab a coffee with me?"

"Sure, Liv. What's up?"

Olivia sighed, walking toward the elevator with him. "I'm not going to be on nights very often anymore."

Nick paused, "Why?"

Olivia walked into the elevator with him, explaining the situation as quickly as possible. "I walked out on Casey and the girls," she began, explaining the situation.

"Oh, Olivia, I'm so sorry."

Olivia nodded. "Thank you, I just hope we don't get that far. I still love them. I was just stressed and overworked and angry.."

"If you need a good divorce lawyer.."

The veteran detective shook her head. "Like I said, I'm going to do everything I can not to need one. It's hurt all of us. Especially the girls. If I'm home at night, I can tuck them into bed, at least until I prove to my wife that I want to correct this horrible mistake. If I can.."

Nick shrugged. "I still don't understand why you left."

"Now, neither do I. But I think it was something about Casey being so upset that I work so much and I'm never there when she needs me and me being so upset that she just waits around for me to fix things instead of relying on her own merit. And my reason is stupid. It's great to feel needed, but I guess..just after working such long hours and coming home to pick up the slack, I-I just blew it out of proportion."

"I saw her the other day. She looked so.."

"Down and out? Worn out? Tired? Depressed?"

"All of the above," Nick admitted slowly. "But you do too."

"Mine's guilt," she answered as she walked from the building.

* * *

Later, at the coffee shop, Nick bought Olivia her favorite coffee and handed it to her. Sitting across from her, he sighed. "So the girls are at school and you're off for the day. What are you going to do?"

Olivia sighed. "I'll probably go and try to talk to my wife," she said, sipping the hot, rejuvenating liquid. "Thanks by the way."

"No problem."

"Would you take me back after everything? Be honest."

"I'm not Casey, Liv. I mean..I guess I would."

The brunette sighed again. "I miss them. I should be happy – count the blessings – whenever Casey needs me, it's just...I snapped."

"Maybe you're not used to it. All your life, you've cared for yourself. Now you're married...it's different."

"But my life is so much richer. I have something to look forward to, coming home to them, but I do agree with you. But how can I make them understand that?"

"I don't know. I really don't."

Olivia nodded. "Thanks for listening to me though."

"I don't want your marriage to fall apart like mine did."

Olivia nodded again. "Neither do I. And I am sorry that happened to you, really." She smirked. "I swear I spent a third of my life for the last twelve years before holding his marriage together."

"Your former partner," Nick said slowly.

"Yes. They, eventually, reconciled before the papers were signed after their fifth child was born," she said sighing, "but that's for another time."

"So maybe you should get her pregnant." Nick immediately groaned."Olivia, I'm sorry. I..I didn't mean it like that."

Olivia couldn't help laughing. "I knew there was a reason I liked your mind," she said, taking a long drink, "but I doubt that would really help. Especially with five-year-old twins."

"Why not?"

"It'd be a cheap ploy for one thing. Two, I doubt she would go for that, thinking I was just using her."

Nick nodded. "You're right. I apologize."

"Don't. I haven't really laughed in days," she admitted with a grin. "But, you know, maybe after things get better – if they do – you may have an idea."

"Olivia, I am lost."

Olivia shook her head. "I'll let you know – if it happens."

Nick shrugged. "Alright."

Olivia smiled, finishing her coffee. "I know it's, essentially, going to be kind of a lot for you and Rollins to handle alone, but this is something that I need to do."

"I know."

The brunette nodded, getting up and throwing away her coffee cup.

* * *

Olivia arrived back at the house an hour later, bottle of fine wine in hand. Getting Casey drunk wasn't the objective, but they did always seem to open up more when they drank a bit. She knocked on the door.

Casey answered the door in her favorite silk robe.

Olivia smiled, clearing her throat. "Can we talk?" she asked simply.

Casey tightened her robe, her cheeks flushing with color. "About?"

"Us, I've worked it out where I won't be on nights unless a case comes up involving one of the offices we work with. I know I messed up. I was angry, stressed and overworked. I just...I want to come back home. I realize you're not going to trust me right off the bat. Let me work at it. I'll tuck the girls into bed and take them to school. Please Case? I need you, all three of you."

"I..."

"Please? I know I was wrong. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I said what I did about you. I'll be happy to come home and help you with whatever you need. Casey, I still love you. With all my heart and all my soul. I've barely slept. I want us to be a family again."

Casey reluctantly allowed her wife to enter. "Olivia, I will always love you. And I'm glad you will be working less. But it's not enough."

Olivia set the wine on the coffee table, holding her gently, but firmly. "I know. But I'll make it ok. I want to be here. For you and the girls. I'll do anything. I'll even tuck them in, tell you goodnight and leave. Or camp out on the couch or guestroom. I'll fix it. I know you were counting on me and I let you down. You have no idea how much I regret walking out. Hurting you and our girls. I won't do that again. I swear to God Case. Let me work up to it."

"You can't just leave and then come back and say you want to fix it. You walked out. You actually took your things and left. And I thought you would sleep at the precinct, but next thing I know.." Casey looked at the floor. "You had an apartment," she finished quietly.

"I'll get rid of it. Casey, honestly, I was ashamed to come back after just running out. I didn't think you would ever want me again."

"I never thought you would be the one to flee. I always expected that of myself, not you! Impressions can be wrong, though."

Olivia looked into Casey's emeralds, guilt written all over her face. "Can we talk?"

"I thought this was talking," Casey pointed out, walking into the bedroom.

Olivia sighed. "I'll wait unless you want me to follow?"

"You might as well. You have things to pick up, I guess." Casey was in the bathroom, the door open just enough for a peek. She removed her robe and stood in front of the mirror, brushing her long crimson curls.

Olivia sighed as she stole a quick glance into the bathroom before sitting on the bed, then went back out to grab the wine and a couple glasses.

Casey emerged a few minutes later, her robe retightened around her otherwise naked body. She had washed up and applied her favorite perfume.

Olivia smiled, popping the cork on the wine. "Want a bit?"

"Um. Sure," Casey admitted. She could use a bit of wine.

Olivia pushed the blankets up so they could have a comfortable spot to sit before pouring two glasses.

"Thanks."

The detective nodded. "I remember that perfume. I bought it for you for your birthday last year. I knew you'd like it as much as I do," she said smiling.

Casey blushed. "Yeah. I always wear it," she murmured, sipping her wine.

"Why?" she asked, sipping her wine. "Does it remind you of me?"

"Olivia," Casey sighed, sipping her wine in an effort to avoid answering.

The detective smiled. "Hmm?"

"You're so stubborn." Casey refilled her glass.

"Yes, it's possible," Olivia said, draining her glass and refilling it.

Casey sighed, her buzz already emerging. It never took much to get her drunk. She set her glass down rather than drink more wine.

Olivia looked at her. "Casey, you ok?"

"I don't want anymore," Casey murmured, slurring slightly after only two glasses. Her emerald orbs locked onto Olivia's chocolate brown gaze, her beautiful features illuminated by the ever-lit candle on the night stand.

The detective smiled, brushing Casey's cheek with her fingers. "I miss you."

Casey's heart leapt into her throat. "You don't," she insisted quietly.

Olivia grabbed her hands, kissing them again and again. "Yes I do. Leaving was the worst mistake I've ever made."

"Olivia, I-" But Casey could never find the right words to express how she felt in that moment.

Olivia smiled. "Shh," she said, leaning in and kissing her softly.

Casey whimpered softly. "We can't...Liv...we..." she protested, her arms already wrapping around Olivia's neck.

Olivia lifted her into her lap, rubbing Casey's back. "Yes, please, I've missed everything about you.. I need you."

Casey bit her softly. Tears flooded her eyes, streaming down her porcelain cheeks. She had forgotten how much she missed the feel of the older woman's strong arms around her.

Olivia moaned softly, pulling away to kiss the trails from her cheeks. "I'm sorry," she whispered, kissing her lips again.

Casey tried to pull away, but neither her heart nor Olivia's strength would allow her to truly do so.

The detective kissed Casey's neck. "Please...please stay," she pleaded.

"Take me," Casey whispered before she could stop herself.

Olivia swiftly and gently, slid the robe from Casey's frame, before carefully stripping her own garments and lying Casey in the middle of the bed, capturing her lips again as her hands slid under Casey's back.

Casey whimpered. "Olivia, we shouldn't," she moaned again. "Oh..it's a..we..."

The detective pulled up. "It's not just sex," she said. "I've missed everything about you. Your eyes, your soft hair, the way you say my name in the morning when your voice is soft," she said, rubbing her back. "Casey, I miss you. You're so beautiful. I can't believe – even for a moment – that I was willing to walk out. I need you. You're my other half. Please don't say I'm wrong."

"Olivia, I don't think I can handle being hurt again."

"I won't. Never. It was the worst mistake I ever made," she said, kissing Casey's cheek. "I love you. And I need you in my life. I need my wife."

Hearing the promise broke Casey's heart. Overcome with wine and love, she threaded her fingers through Olivia's hair.

Olivia kissed the beginnings of tears that were welling up. "I promise."

Casey moaned. "I missed you."

"I missed you so much! And I promise I'll never do that again."

" Make love to me...Olivia...please..."

The detective nodded slowly, kissing down to Casey's pulse point in her neck, sucking gently as her hands came around to Casey's front, rubbing her stomach, moaning.

Casey squirmed impatiently. Olivia's touch sent shocks through her very core. The attorney whimpered a quiet plea for something they hadn't done in a long time.

Olivia smiled, bringing herself eye-level with Casey. "What was that? Didn't catch it."

"Liv," Casey protested weakly.

"Hmm?" the detective grinned wider before gently sucking on the attorney's right breast, gently then gradually getting rougher, squeezing the other more gently.

"Oh, yes...mmmm...Olivia, you know what. Get it...oh..please. Take me as only you can..." Casey was very passionate when she had been drinking.

Olivia sucked a little harder before biting the redhead's nipple with just the right amount of pressure.

"Please," Casey moaned, her nipple instantly hardening.

Hearing the passionate plea, the detective took a bit of pity as she kissed her way to the other, giving it the same attention.

"Olivia!" Casey cried, yanking on her wife's hair. Everything Olivia ever did to her felt incredible. The detective was extremely skilled in the bedroom. Casey had, in fact, never been a screamer...until Olivia had touched her.

Olivia's nails lightly scratched Casey's taut stomach, moaning into her. "Mmm, Casey."

Casey whimpered. "Please...I need it...you...oh, Liv.."

The detective pulled up slightly, kissing her wife passionately on the lips, running her hands through Casey's long locks. "I love you, my Casey."

"You'll just leave," Casey moaned weakly.

Olivia shook her head. "No, never again. Not like that."

Casey kissed her.

Olivia moaned into Casey's lips, her tongue making it's way into her mouth, caressing every inch as her hands rubbed up and down Casey's sides.

Casey bit her as hard as she could. She wanted to reject her wife, but her heart wouldn't let her. Neither would her body.

Olivia gasped, her hands moving upwards until she cupped Casey's face, rubbing gentle circles. "I promise," she said, pulling back slightly. "I'll never, ever do that again," though through her moans she was sure Casey was only able to make out her words from how close the detective was to her ears. The detective groaned, turning onto her side, off of Casey, though still holding her for dear life with one hand as the other rubbed Casey's lower stomach, and kissed her gently.

Casey whimpered. "Make love to me.."

The brunette nodded, gently rubbing the bundle of nerves before slipping three digits inside, groaning into her lips from the warmth and feel of the woman she'd missed so dearly.

Casey gasped, crying out in ecstasy. "I need you. Deep...hard..."

Olivia kissed her hard, her fingers starting at a fast pace, feeling her own juices almost ready to give away, but she'd wait for Casey. "L-like this?" she moaned in her ear.

Casey squirmed, burying her head into Olivia's pillow.

The detective pulled her close. "Lean into me, baby. Let me feel you... Please?"

Casey complied.

Olivia pulled Casey even closer, loving the smell of her perfume as usual. She turned her palm upwards, rubbing Casey's clit as her fingers worked in and out of her. Her eyes bore into Casey's, seeming to say that she would never let them get this far apart again, then visibly jumped off of the bed as Casey's hand brushed her stomach, causing her body to quiver. There was no way in hell she was going to stop loving Casey in any way or let go, which left her as her wife's mercy, so to speak.

Casey began to cry softly once more. Her fingers digging into Olivia, her heart in her throat, she was consumed with incredible love, but also sadness. "Don't stop.."

Olivia's hand rubbed Casey's back and went up into her hair. "I promise," she said, kissing away her tears as she went faster and guided Casey's head into her shoulder. "I love you and I'm never going to do that again."

Casey bucked against her. Her orgasm was rapidly approaching, her whimpers escalating. "Oh, Olivia, harder.." She begged.

Olivia nodded, her hand caressing the back of Casey's head, going even harder, slipping a fourth finger inside the sopping core, groaning at ho Casey's inner walls clenched around her fingers. "Mmm, does this feel good? You're so amazing, baby."

The wine and her love for Olivia capturing her, Casey fell victim to her orgasm. Screaming for Olivia, she bucked against her. "I-I want to come-"

Olivia smiled, purring into Casey's ear. "I want you to come. Come hard for me sweetie. I need you," she said, kissing her.

"On...your...abs," Casey panted.

Olivia nodded, managing to pull Casey on top of her. "Yes," the detective said. "Yes, please! I...need...fuck please!"

Casey straddled the older woman. It took only a few seconds for her orgasm to consume her. Coming hard against Olivia, Casey screamed for her, clawing at her wife's skin.

Olivia groaned, holding Casey to her so she didn't get hurt, quickly switching their positions and straddling her thigh, looking into Casey's eyes for permission after brushing her.

Casey moaned in response.

Olivia groaned, pinning Casey's wrists to the bed as she rode her wife's thigh.

Casey whimpered. "My queen..."

Olivia moaned, going harder, feeling herself drip.

"Liv...yes...mm..."

Olivia smiled. "C-can I...?"

"Yes."

The detective locked eyes with her, seconds later succumbing to her orgasm.

Casey collapsed on the bed, panting heavily.

Olivia, gently, laid on top of Casey. "I love you."

"I love you too." Casey sighed. "We're pathetic.."

Olivia shook her head. "No, we're not. I miss you. It's not just sex."

"But..we can't. Liv, it's confusing to all of us."

"Casey," Olivia said, caressing her cheeks, "I'm sorry. I'll do whatever you want. I miss my wife. I miss my kids. I want to come home. Maybe not right away, but I want to work on it. With you. Please?"

Casey wrapped the sheet around her naked body. "Do you love me?"

Olivia cuddled her close. "Yes, I promise I do. I miss you, I need you. And I'll spend forever proving it to you."

"I could never stop loving you."

"Then you want to try again?"

Casey managed a tiny smile. "Someone hasn't changed."

Olivia smiled, kissing her gently. "I love you and nothing will ever make me leave like that again. I need you with me."

"Liv?"

"Yeah?" she asked, caressing her cheek.

"Shut up and kiss me."

* * *

**Author's Note:** What do you think?

Reviews: kai85 & Bkwrmchar

**Please review!**

Liv-x-Case-Benson & CaseyBensonNovak


	3. Book Start

Reconciliation

By: Liv-x-Case-Benson & CaseyBensonNovak

**Ch. 3: Book Start**

Casey quietly left the bedroom, pouring two glasses of iced tea. She checked the time. Two hours before she had to get the girls. Sighing, she returned to the room, sitting on the edge of the bed and placing the tea on the night stand.

Feeling the mattress shift, the detective sat up, wrapping the sheet around her. "Hi..." Olivia sat straighter, swinging her legs over to grab a glass of iced tea. "Casey?"

"Hi," Casey murmured.

Olivia took a sip of iced tea. "Casey, I-I didn't come back here only for this. Things will change. I meant what I said. I promise. No matter how long it takes, I'll keep working at it. I left when I shouldn't have and I want to come back, but that's your choice as far as how much I'm involved until then and when I do, ok?"

Casey yawned. "Olivia, you broke my heart when you left. I know we fought, but I couldn't believe you were gone. Every time I've had to deliver a warrant, I made sure you were busy...I couldn't see you."

The detective nodded. "I understand. Completely. Tell me what I can do to start making us better."

Casey's gaze fell upon a Manila file beside the bed. She grabbed it, sighing. It was obvious what it was.

Olivia grabbed the folder from her. "Casey, please, give me one more chance before we sign our lives away. Let me prove that this is the last thing I'll ever want," she begged, kissing her hands.

Casey sat on the bed, laying on her side. "I had them drawn up," she explained quietly. "I knew it was the best thing for us...but then I thought of the girls, and of my heart...and now we are in bed again, instead of talking things out."

Olivia wrapped her arms around her, kissing her shoulder before sitting up again. "Casey, we both have the time. I'll give you privacy to get dressed. Let's talk in the living room. I didn't come over here to use you. I came over here because I want to talk things out. The wine? Well, admit it, both of us have a tendency to open up after we've had a glass. Casey, please, let's talk things out. The way we should have in the first place."

Casey sighed. "We are already in bed. We might as well talk here too."

The brunette nodded. "Okay. Who wants to start?"

"Olivia does."

Olivia sighed. "I want to be here so you and the girls aren't hurting anymore. I love it when they're happy because it makes you happy even when we disagree."

"I can't be happy when you're only home for a booty call. Olivia, that's how I feel."

"I understand, but I promise that wasn't the only reason I came. I knew the wine would help us get things out. We've always been prone to talk over a glass. I'm sorry. I've just missed you and..I know it wasn't the right way to go about it."

"It wasn't just tonight, Olivia. It's all the time."

Olivia nodded. "And I can't say I'm proud of that. You deserve more from me. I married you because you're smart, beautiful, witty and charming, not only for your body. You're someone I can't stand to live without. You can always cheer me up. You emanate power and prowess in the courtroom. You're amazing. Casey, I-I know what I did, but to lose you and the girls, I'll lose the only safe haven I have from all the evil I see daily. You don't know how many nights I've lost sleep because you weren't beside me, holding me tight and telling me it was ok because I walked away. I need you in my life and I need the girls too."

Casey looked down. "I can't sleep either," she confessed. "Not without your arms around me. You've always held me at night."

"And I miss that. I miss your warmth and your head on my chest, the way you talk to me after you come down from a passionate orgasm, the way you hold me tight.. I miss everything. Please, I want to fix this not throw us away. That's what makes a real marriage last. Fixing things, not throwing them away."

"But you said I'm too dependent."

"I didn't mean that you couldn't depend on me. I just meant that I, sometimes, don't have the energy to do everything you ask of me when I get home. That doesn't mean I won't do it. And be happy to help."

Casey shrugged. "I don't feel like your wife lately. I feel like, ever since the girls started school, I'm your cook, maid, and sex toy. Not your wife."

Olivia sighed. "You're right. I suppose I haven't been as attentive to you as I was and don't take your feelings into account. But I need to know what steps I can take to correct that, because you deserve the best from me. Tell me. Even if it's tiny, baby steps."

Casey bit her lip. "Show me you love me. Woo me like you did when you first convinced me to move in with you. We'll take it from there."

"C-can I ask something too? I'd like to take the girls to school from now on and...help put them to bed. I know they want that."

"They don't want me to?"

Olivia wrapped an arm around her. "That's not it. They asked me to. They miss me too. Maybe..we could do it together?"

Casey sighed. "I guess you can. I don't want to hurt them. They're so confused."

The detective shook her head. "We both need to. We need to show them there's hope for all of us. If I only do it, they...might think badly of you. Not that they will indefinitely or that they should, but they're five! What would you think if suddenly I did it without you? How would they feel?"

Casey looked away. "They only know that Momma is gone. They ask me every night if you still love us."

"And now I need to prove it, but you, at least, need to be there. I do love you. I've missed all of you like crazy," Olivia said, caressing her cheek.

"I know. I missed you too."

Olivia kissed Casey's knuckles. "I'm really sorry. Will you...sit with me?"

"Am I not already?"

"..In my lap?"

Casey reluctantly crawled into the older woman's lap.

Olivia wrapped her arms around Casey, rocking her gently, kissing her hair.

Casey looked down. "I could never stop loving you."

Olivia nodded, kissing her head again. "I never could either. I've hurt so much being away. I still love you. You're still the best person in my life."

"When you stop wanting me..."

Olivia hugged her tightly. "Never. Even when I die."

"Never?"

"Never. I love you too much," the detective said, rubbing Casey's back.

Casey smiled.

Olivia smiled. "You're no burden to me. It's a blessing that you love me as much as you do."

"But when you're unhappy, you will just leave again."

The detective shook her head. "No I won't. I never will again. I'll talk to you next time and I want you to talk to me."

Casey looked away. "I could never just leave. I have a job, a marriage, children..."

"I think part of the reason for my leaving is because it's just been just me for so long. All I've been required to care for is myself. Now it's me, you, and the girls. Though it's not a valid argument, I know. I was managing fine before. I want to have that again."

Casey sighed. "Olivia." She bit her lip, unsure how to phrase her next point. "We have been together for as long as the girls have existed. I mean, they were born soon after we got married. Within one year, we got together, got married, and had the twins. Sometimes, I wonder if we moved too fast." She propped herself up against the pillows. "Do you think we weren't ready? Or were we?"

Olivia thought a moment. "Maybe..in some ways we weren't. For most people it doesn't happen like that, but look at our jobs and how easily it is to be hurt or worse. All I knew then was that I loved you and I didn't want to spend another night without you. I've always wanted kids, but I questioned my parenting skills because of my profession. So, maybe we did go a bit too fast, but I just didn't want to take that chance of waiting and..one of us never coming back. I was ready because I knew I never wanted anyone else by my side, next to me in bed. Were you?"

"Was I ready?" Casey asked. "I honestly don't know," she admitted. "I was ready to become your wife. But I think becoming a wife in the first place was my problem. I didn't know how to manage being 'Olivia's pregnant wife' and still be myself."

"I know that I loved you when I asked you to marry me. I loved you even more when we first saw the sonogram of the girls and that influenced me to marry you, but not out of shame or guilt. Because the girls were our decision. We wanted them. I love you even more than the day I married you, still do." The detective sighed. "Though I can see why you had trouble. We didn't really have time to distinguish who we were before we married or parents. But I wouldn't change anything about it."

"I don't understand why we conceived the girls before getting married. I guess it was because of them that you proposed." Casey slipped under the covers, feeling extremely modest suddenly.

"Casey, I married you because I love you AND because if we were married I thought the girls could have a normal, stable environment. Here," she walked over, digging into her night stand, and pulling out an appointment book. She flipped to the page where it said "6:30 pm - ring". It was dated months before they'd even talked about children. She handed it to Casey. "Casey, I would've married you anyway because I love you and I don't want anybody else."

Casey read the page multiple times. "I can't believe you kept this," she murmured.

Olivia held Casey's hand, kissing her ring. "It marks the start of us. The real start. Not the girls. It marks when you became the person wanted to marry. We were friends – best friends – for years. Part of me envisioned this life, but, at the time, I didn't know how you felt, so I waited until you were sure."

"I love you and the girls...but I wish we had conceived them differently. I will never forgive myself for cheating on you. I know you arranged it and picked the guy...but I've always felt so guilty."

Olivia laid beside her, holding her close. "I know, but we got what we wanted – two beautiful, healthy girls who love us. I still love you, honey."

"Remind me why we chose to have them naturally?"

"We wanted it to be as normal as possible. Though, even now, I don't see a real reason. Hell, I could've done it. Wish I would have.."

"Could have done what?"

"I wish I could've impregnated you instead."

Casey managed a soft smile at that. "Do you know how many kids we would have by now if you could?"

The detective smiled. "Well, I could of I just had a donor and we went to the doctor. There's no reason I couldn't do it myself with a little guidance. W-would you want...not now. I'm not saying this to convince you to let me come back home, but would you want to?"

Casey thought about it. "I don't know. I mean, I want more children...but your abandonment worries me. I can't imagine having to explain this to another child."

Olivia nodded. "I understand, but I promise, on the lives of our girls, that I will NEVER do that again. Um, maybe we should pick up this discussion after I'm back home."

"Olivia, you can't just walk back in. I'm sorry. We have to talk to the girls, we have to decide if the divorce papers should be torn or signed.."

"I know and I don't expect to just walk back in. But in order to decide on the divorce papers, I need to be here. I need to spend time with you and the girls."

"Do you want a divorce?"

Olivia shook her head. "Of course not! I want to work this out so we can be a family again. So I can prove to you that I want to be here."

"But you've been gone for months. Why are you suddenly so eager to come back?"

"There hasn't been a night since I left that I don't regret what I did, how I hurt all of you. It hurt to be away from you."

"But why the sudden need to fix it?" Casey pressed.

Olivia sighed. "Because..I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of hurting when you walk into the precinct and avoid me because you don't want to be upset. I realized that even with the things that happened, you still loved me before I left. We fought. We argued. Every couple does, but we always found the median, that happy place, and worked things out. I miss you. I miss waking up every morning with you in my arms. I even miss you complaining about sleazebag defense attorneys," she said with a chuckle before continuing. "I miss the comfort of loving you - being safe, even when you thought I was wrapped around you only for your benefit. I miss the girls hugging and kissing me after work, checking for monsters in the closet of under the bed. I miss how they'd say there wasn't chance the monster would survive because I was a tough cop with a gun. I miss the movie nights, the games, recitals, plays... Casey, I miss everything about us, about our family."

Casey remained quiet for several minutes. Finally, she replied. "I miss those things too. I miss you coming to the office to get a warrant, and instead throwing me onto my desk and having your way with me. I miss falling asleep in your arms at night. I miss hearing you call me baby. I miss walking into school functions for our daughters. I even miss your complaints about sleazy perps."

The brunette smiled, caressing her cheek and kissing it. "So...what do you say? Can I have another chance?"

"I guess so."

Olivia sighed. "Are you sure?"

"My heart says yes. My brain says no. I'll listen to my heart."

The detective hugged her gently. "Ok. That makes sense."

"But.." Casey pulled away. "I don't know what to do."

"As in?"

"What we do after we put our clothes on."

Olivia held her hand gently. "We could have something to eat."

"Each other?" Casey immediately blushed. "God. I can't believe I just said that."

Olivia smirked. "Well...uh, I was thinking actual food from the kitchen that's cooked, but..."

Casey nodded. "I do need to start dinner before the girls get home."

Olivia nodded too, sitting Casey on the bed beside her. "So, how do you want me to do this? I really have nothing else to do."

"What do you mean?" Casey asked. "Do what?"

"I mean, do you want me to leave and come back when it's the girls' bedtime or would you like me to stay for dinner, put the girls to bed and leave? It's your call."

"You can stay for dinner. It is family game night."

Olivia nodded again, kissing her cheek, before standing. "I'll let you get dressed," she said, walking out into the living room.

Casey emerged a half hour later, having showered quickly and changed into earlier's clothes.

Olivia smiled, waving from her spot on the couch. "Would you like any help?"

"Dinner is my thing. You know it's the house wife's job."

Olivia walked over, hugging her tight. "I know. I just thought I would ask. You're not just my wife. You're my best friend. If you want help, it's okay. If not, that's fine too."

"Like I said. House wife's job. All I'm good for." Casey entered the kitchen.

Olivia followed her, wrapping her arms around her and kissing her cheek. "No it's not," she whispered. "You're a brilliant attorney, charmingly beautiful. You're funny. You're witty. Our girls love you and so do I," she finished, letting go of Casey and leaning in the doorframe.

"I just feel like I'm a booty call, a cook, a maid...we discussed this earlier. I don't feel human."

Olivia nodded. "I understand and I intend to change that."

"Mm. Well, I need to cook. Your beer is still in the fridge."

The detective shook her head. "I don't feel like drinking. Thanks though."

"No? You always have a beer after work."

Olivia sighed. "Alright," she said, grabbing one from the fridge. "For normalcy," she said, barely patting the ADA on the way past into the living room.

Casey sighed. She set to work cooking that night's chicken parmesian.

* * *

Three hours later, a fully fed family sat before a game of Candyland.

Olivia smiled. "It's your turn, Victoria," she said after her turn.

Victoria got a double purple card. Smiling, she placed her gingerbread man ahead of her sister's.

Olivia smiled, waiting for Vanessa to take her turn.

Vanessa advanced one blue square forward.

"You're getting close," the detective said.

"Victoria's cheating!"

"No I'm not. You are! Mommy!"

Olivia laughed a bit, getting a red card, advancing the number of spaces but then frowning as she landed on a licorice space. "Awww!"

* * *

An hour later, the girls were asleep. Victoria had won, and after a bedtime story, she and Vanessa had fallen asleep.

Olivia leaned in, kissing their heads gently, putting the book away before walking out of the room, seeing Casey in the hallway. She smiled, taking her hand and kissing it. "Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight," Casey murmured. She almost begged Olivia to stay, but knew it was too soon.

Olivia smiled, hugging her tightly. "I could stay and sleep on the couch, but it's probably too soon, huh?"

Casey sighed. "If you sleep on the couch, it's the same as sleeping with me. We need to work up to that."

Olivia nodded. "I understand," she replied, kissing her cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow to take the girls to school?"

Casey nodded. "Yeah. Liv?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you going to leave without kissing me?"

Olivia smiled, running her fingers through Casey's red locks as she kissed her fully and completely. The passion was there, but the heat was just passive from not wanting to start anything unless Casey said.

Casey moaned softly. "My queen. Nothing can change that."

Olivia growled in return, biting Casey's lip gently. "And you will always be my little kitten."

Casey smiled.

Olivia smiled, rubbing circles into her wife's back.

"Mm."

Olivia rested her head in her wife's neck. "God, I've missed this."

"Me too."

"What else have you missed?"

"You. This. Everything."

Olivia smiled, lifting her head and kissing Casey's cheek again. "Well, I guess I should go... Right?"

"I love you," Casey confessed.

The detective smiled again, kissing Casey gently. "I love you too. Always."

"I wish we could erase the past several months."

Olivia nodded. "Me too. It was a stupid move. I never should've done it," she said, caressing her cheek.

"I just want to be happy again."

Olivia held her tight. "We will be. I promise I'll make it up to you and the girls and that will never happen again."

"They had a lot of fun tonight, Liv.."

"I did too. Did you?"

"Yeah."

Olivia sighed after taking in Casey's scent. "I do love that perfume."

Casey smiled sadly. "Me too."

The detective smiled, kissing her gently. "It's going to be ok."

"Promise?"

"Yes," Olivia said.

"Good."

Olivia's hands raked through Casey's hair. "I swear to you."

Casey nodded. "I believe you."

The detective kissed from Casey's left cheek to her lips, moaning gently. "Good."

Casey bit her.

Olivia groaned. "I miss you, baby."

"I miss you too."

Olivia took a step away, though in her eyes Casey could see the last thing she wanted to do, though she needed to.

Casey looked at the floor.

Olivia let go of Casey, turning, walking to and opening the door. "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too."

Olivia smiled, blowing a kiss, which was something she hadn't done in a LONG time.

Casey smiled. But once Olivia was gone, her heart shattered into a thousand pieces.

Olivia turned as she heard Casey collapse onto the floor. Doing as she always had and would, the detective ran back in and held her close, picking her up and carrying her back to the bedroom and laying her in bed.

Casey curled up on top of the covers. "Olivia, I don't know what came over me. It was suddenly too painful to stand."

Olivia shook her head. "No, it's understandable," she said, covering her with a quilt, holding her hand. "I remember when you were so sick. I'd lay you here, cover you up and hold your hand with water in my other, a cloth on your head..."

"It hurts to not have you."

"It hurts not to be with you," Olivia said.

"After today...I can't just watch you walk away."

Olivia nodded. "Well, how about tonight I stay and tomorrow we start me only over here at certain periods in time for a bit? Honey, I just hated to hear you collapse holding in your sobs. Please?"

"Stay," Casey whispered, realizing as she said it how much she meant it.

"As you wish, princess. Go ahead and get under the covers, well, you might want to change first, and I'll be right back ok?" she asked, kissing her cheek.

Casey nodded, obeying.

Olivia nodded, waking into the bathroom and discarding her clothes, except her shirt and boxers, and walking back out, placing her badge and gun on the nightstand. "Hi."

Casey smiled shyly. "Hi."

Olivia smiled. "May I join you?"

"It is your bed too."

"Yes, but I just figured I should ask," she said as she slipped in, covering up and wrapping her arms around Casey. "And I am going to hold you all night long so you know I won't go anywhere."

"Is that a threat or a promise?"

Olivia smiled. "Promise. I'm only going to be called at night if something happens involving one of the offices we work with."

"Good. Your family needs you."

"That's what Cragen says too."

Casey sighed. "See?"

"He said that after I explained why I needed nights off."

"A cop can't have negotiable hours."

"Most can't. But I do. Amaro and Rollins will be fine on nights."

Casey sighed.

"Don't worry. I promise it's going to be ok."

"I still feel odd about this."

Olivia nodded. "I know, but I promise it'll be ok."

Casey smiled. "Do you remember the day the girls were born?"

"Yeah. You called me at three am. I was in the middle of that quadruple rape case that had started three days earlier. You called and I beat you to the hospital. No way was I ever going to miss that. I swore I'd be there, no matter what..."

"You were scheduled for an interrogation, and you still made it."

Olivia nodded. "You're so incredibly strong. The doctor said a C-section was typical with multiple births, but you refused. I sat right next to you, not caring how late it was. All that mattered was that I was there for you and our girls."

Casey nodded. "It was so painful."

Olivia held her tightly. "I know, but there was no place I would've rather been. Holding your hand, telling you I believed in you and that I love you, kissing away the tears..."

Casey smiled.

Olivia kissed her gently. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The detective rubbed the ADA's back. "I promise I'm staying."

Casey nodded.

* * *

Hours later, the detective sat up, feeling a little body crawling up onto the bed. "Casey!" she shook her shoulder. "We have a visitor."

Casey opened her eyes. "Victoria, honey, what's wrong?"

Olivia turned on the lamp beside her, her heart breaking as she saw Victoria's lip wobble.

Victoria crawled into Casey's arms. "I had a bad dream," she cried. "Something happened and Momma never wanted to come home!"

To Olivia, it was obvious that the child had tunnel vision with her being gone so long. Victoria must not have seen her.

Casey hugged her tightly. "Honey, Momma will be home soon. She's here now, angel."

"Where?" Victoria cried.

Olivia touched her shoulder.

The little girl looked over. "Momma Olivia!" she shrieked, happily jumping into her arms.

Olivia smiled, hugging her tight. "Shh."

Seconds later, Vanessa ran into the room, bounding onto the bed and knocking the detective over. "Momma Olivia, you're home!"

Casey winced as her daughter kneed her. "Girls! Calm down. Momma is here all night."

Olivia nodded. "Easy girls, easy. Don't hurt Mommy in your happiness. I am here all night."

"Yay!"

Olivia smiled, lifting Victoria's chin. "I promise I'm going to come back. Hopefully soon, so you don't have to worry. Ok?"

Vanessa cuddled between her mothers. "Momma, can I stay?"

"Hmmm, I don't know..." she looked to Casey."What do you think, Mommy?"

"I guess so." Casey knew the girls missed Olivia. She couldn't hurt them.

Olivia smiled, moving Victoria to Casey's side and Vanessa to her other as she hugged everyone tight, wrapping her arms around them. "Is this ok?" she asked after turning out the light.

"Yes," everyone said in unison.

The detective sighed with content. "Good. I've missed my girls."

"We missed you too," the twins answered.

Olivia kissed Vanessa's head, then stretched over to kiss Victoria.

Casey smiled.

"I can come cuddle with you alone on my lunch break tomorrow if you want," Olivia whispered in her wife's ear.

"Olivia," Casey whispered back, in mock scolding.

"What?" she feigned innocence. "I just mean something similar to this, just without the kids."

Casey nodded. "I know."

Olivia smiled, kissing her cheek.

"I love you."

"I love you too," Olivia said, kissing Casey's forehead.

"We love you!" The twins cried.

Olivia, hugged them both tight. "And I love you two too. I promise I'm going to be around more. I missed you."

"Night, Momma."

"Night, my girls," Olivia said, hugging Vanessa close.

"Mommy, hold me?" Victoria asked Casey.

Casey nodded, holding her daughter in her arms.

Olivia brought Vanessa to her other side so the twins rested between them, hugging her close with one arm while the fingers on her opposite hand ran through Victoria's hair.

"Goodnight," Casey murmured firmly.

"Goodnight," Olivia said, stroking Casey's cheek.

* * *

**Author's Note:** What do you think? And, yes, I am trying to work on "Time Again", "The Real Prize", "The Blonde ADA and the Rookie Detective" and "Her Safe Place", but I've hit a block of sorts, though I am working on a couple of one-shots (at least 2) so hopefully those will break the walls down. I haven't given up.

Reviews: kai85, Bkwrmchar, tummer22 & lesipiratecat

**Please review!**

Liv-x-Case-Benson & CaseyBensonNovak


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